Useful Terms and Definitions for Mixed Orientation Relationships

Here is a list of the most commonly recognized useful terms and definitions for mixed-orientation relationships. We put this together so you and your partner can better understand yourselves and each other. Please let us know if we missed anything or if any definitions need fixing.

Identities/Labels

LGBTQ+ - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer (or questioning).

Lesbian - A woman who is emotionally, romantically, or sexually attracted to other women. Women and non-binary people may use this term to describe themselves.

Gay - A person who is emotionally, romantically, or sexually attracted to members of the same gender. Men, women, and non-binary people may use this term to describe themselves.

Bisexual - A person who is romantically and/or sexually attracted to both their own sex/gender and others. "I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted--romantically and/or sexually--to people of more than one gender, not necessarily at the same time, in the same way, or to the same degree." - Robyn Ochs

Pansexual - Describes someone who has the potential for emotional, romantic, or sexual attraction to people of any gender, though not necessarily simultaneously, in the same way, or to the same degree. Sometimes used interchangeably with bisexual.

Bicurious - This can be different for everyone, but generally, a person is interested in having a sexual experience with a person of the same or different sex. Sometimes synonymous with the label bisexual, but also a term used by straight folks.

Bi Cycle - A cycle that some people go through where they may feel more attracted to one gender over the other at a given time. These feelings can be fluid and often "cycle" through intensities. Not everyone experiences this.

Biphobia - The fear and hatred of, or discomfort with, people who love and are sexually attracted to more than one gender.

Heteroromantic Bisexual - Someone who is romantically attracted to people of the opposite sex, but is also sexually attracted to people of the same sex.

Homoromantic Bisexual - Someone who is romantically attracted to people of the same sex, but is also sexually attracted to people of the opposite sex.

Heteroflexible - A person who primarily identifies as straight but holds some same-sex attraction. Some interchange this with Bicurious.

Homoflexible - A person who identifies as gay but holds some opposite- sex attraction.

Asexual - Often called "ace" for short, asexual refers to a complete or partial lack of sexual attraction or lack of interest in sexual activity with others. Asexuality exists on a spectrum, and asexual people may experience no, little, or conditional sexual attraction. There are also many other micro-labels that fall into the Ace spectrum.

Demisexual - A person who only experiences sexual attraction to someone after establishing a strong, deep emotional bond with them.

Fluid - Attraction that fluctuates or shifts over time.

Polysexual - Refers to the sexual or romantic attraction to people of multiple, but not necessarily all, genders (i.e., Bisexual or Pansexual).

Monosexual - A romantic or sexual attraction to members of only one sex or gender (i.e., straight, Gay, or Lesbian).

Queer - Often used to express a spectrum of identities and orientations that are counter to the mainstream. Queer is often used as a catch-all to include many people, including those who do not identify as exclusively straight and/or folks who have non-binary or gender-expansive identities. This term was previously used as a slur but has been reclaimed by many parts of the LGBTQ+ movement. Some still are not comfortable with the term.

Ally - Someone who is actively supportive of LGBTQ+ people. It encompasses straight and cisgender allies, as well as those within the LGBTQ+ community who support each other (e.g., a Bisexual who is an ally to the Trans community).

Gender

Gender Expression - The external appearance of one's gender identity, usually expressed through behavior, clothing, body characteristics, or voice, and which may or may not conform to socially defined behaviors and characteristics typically associated with being either masculine or feminine.

Non-Binary - An adjective describing a person who does not identify exclusively as a man or a woman. Non-binary people may identify as being both a man and a woman, somewhere in between, or as falling completely outside these categories. While many also identify as transgender, not all non-binary people do. Non-binary can also be used as an umbrella term encompassing identities such as agender, bigender, genderqueer, or gender-fluid.

Genderqueer - Genderqueer people typically reject notions of static categories of gender and embrace a fluidity of gender identity and often, though not always, sexual orientation. People who identify as "genderqueer" may see themselves as being both male and female, neither male nor female, or as falling completely outside these categories.

Gender-fluid - A person who does not identify with a single fixed gender, whose gender expression or identity may shift.

Transgender - An umbrella term for people whose gender identity and/or expression is different from cultural expectations based on the sex they were assigned at birth. Being transgender does not imply any specific sexual orientation. Therefore, transgender people may identify as straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc.

Bigender - An identity where someone fluctuates between or identifies with two genders.

Agender - (meaning "without gender") refers to a gender identity where an individual does not have a gender or identifies as genderless. It falls under the transgender and non-binary umbrella.

Relationship Structure

Monogamy - Can be defined differently for everyone, but generally speaking, it is a relationship with only one partner at a time. A monogamous relationship can be sexual or emotional, usually both.

Monogamish - Something in between a monogamous relationship and an open relationship. It can look different for every couple, is generally not fully closed or fully open, and involves commitment with flexibility when it comes to intimacy outside the primary partnership.

Swinging - A relationship style in which couples engage in sex with other couples, individuals, or groups. With swinging, there is an emphasis on sexual pleasure but not usually on emotional connections.

Polyamory - The practice of, or the desire for, romantic relationships with more than one partner at the same time, with the informed consent of all partners involved.

Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) - A term under the polyamory umbrella, ENM is a relationship style where multiple people agree to have romantic or sexual connections with each other (Not necessarily both). All involved are informed and consent to the relationship style. Sometimes also referred to as consensual or informed non-monogamy or just an open relationship.

Primary Partner/Relationship - The closest relationship type, the person(s) given the most time, energy, and priority in a person's life; includes a high level of intimacy, attraction, and commitment as demonstrated by strong bonding. These partners often live together and can be committed by marriage or a commitment ceremony.

Non-hierarchical polyamory - A relationship style where all partners are treated with equal respect and autonomy, rather than being ranked by a "primary/secondary" pecking order.

Kitchen Table Polyamory - A style of polyamory in which all members involved are comfortable and connected enough with each other that it is not uncommon for them to gather around the kitchen table, as they may spend holidays, birthdays, or other important times together as a large group.

Closed Loop Polyamory - A "closed-loop" or "closed" polyamorous relationship, also sometimes called "polyfidelity," involves multiple partners who agree to limit their romantic and/or sexual relationships to the group, excluding any outside connections.

Solo polyamory - A style of non-monogamy where individuals prioritize their personal autonomy and relationship with themselves. While they have multiple intimate partners, they intentionally avoid "relationship escalator" milestones like marriage, cohabitation, or shared finances. Solo poly does not mean being single or avoiding long-term, deep commitments.